A new what?

So today...

I decided to watch a movie. A movie that I watched whenever I had moments of insomnia. I struggled with insomnia for years. It was pretty bad. I would be awake for days and I would watch this one movie. Nothing serious, just a cute chick flick that would entertain me every time and some how lull me.

So today I'm watching it for the first time since that time in my life so many years ago and I'm realizing I'm not there anymore.

But if thats the case, where am I.

What am I doing with this love that I've found in Christ. I'm not where I used to be but essentially I'm still staying up all night watching this movie.

When is the right time to give up. Does there come a point ever that life becomes such redundant pointlessness that there is so point. To look at life from this vantage of brutal self-awareness is dangerous yet a little liberating. It can either cause you to quit or to re-evaluate your life. What am I doing wrong?

When self-awareness leads to change it becomes a good thing, when self-awareness leads to crises where reality is more brutal that your ability to change it you default to hope.

Good thing hope is inexhaustible.