I felt his hand on my arm. As he spun me around to face him I could almost hear his heart beating. His eyes were desperately searching mine pulling me in, answering my questions. I could barely hold the tears that threatened to disclose me back. I didn't want him to know that I needed him. I didn't want him to figure me out because then he could get so close there would be no turning back. He could get so close that my walls would crumble and there would be nothing left of the barricade that I had spent so many years putting up. But there he was staring into my eyes with his begging me to see him for who he really is. Tears started to roll down his cheeks as he lifted his hands in defeat. "Please, see me. See me! I just want to love you- no strings attached." "I'm not like those other guys, I'm not your mom, I'm not your dad." "Please, just look at me for who I really am! I am all things good, I am love...."
The tears built up until the rims of his eyes could contain them no more and they streamed down his face in cascades but he still didn't turn his back. The pain could be felt in the room but he still didn't turn his back. The agony in his face clenched his fists and contorted his face but he still didn't turn his back. I walked away but he still didn't turn his back.
Moments later I came back to him and looked deep into his eyes tears of pain now in my own and with my head cocked in a sort of confused confliction I asked, "is it true then...that you are who you say you are?"
Andrea, I love reading your stuff. You really inspire me with your faith and you encourage me so much! It's so great to read your blog and feel like I'm there with you in a sense and have that presence of you and Jesus here with me, wherever here is. Thanks so much for posting everything!
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